Tomorrow starts the first day of the week that is our half way point in the academy. The academy is awesome and we are beginning to actually do fun things. We've started getting up on the shooting range, punching some holes in targets at different distances, and then practiced control holds on each other during arrest control. This has been far superior to sitting in a classroom watching lame PowerPoint presentations.
However, this 1/2 way point marks a couple other things. This week we do another PT assessment, where I get to see how many push-ups and sit ups I can do in a minute and then if I have increased my speed for 1.5 mile run. We also have a test on Friday followed by a Historic Run through the town of Golden to the old Jefferson County Jail. It should be fun but it is more running, not to mention it is all running downhill to get the the jail, and uphill on the way back. If I heard correctly, it is about 4 miles of running.
But the other exciting news in our life is the recent declaration that my wife is pregnant - something she has been looking forward to but I have resisted since the day we got married. I have come around to the idea, and am looking forward to being a dad, yet my fears about it are very much at the surface. I have this idea of what a good dad is, but am I capable of it? Who am I to raise some kid? So many studies out there show how critical the role of the father is in the life of their children, and so many kids grow up without fathers. Do I have what it takes to impact my children in a critical, life shaping way for the best? I don't know.
My biggest prayer is that it is a boy. I really want a little guy to wrestle around with, take fishing and hunting, and just do guy stuff. I think that will come more naturally to me. Having a girl right away just makes me feel awkward - as if I just don't know how to handle it all.
Life is in full speed, and I am just trying to hold on. I've got to get the Jeep fixed, and buy some new tires, brakes, and whatever is making the awful sound. The Dodge is a piece of junk and I am trying to get it fixed as well to sell so I can get a different vehicle. All the while, Alisha is going to be heading off to Israel for a class in May and we have to pay for it really soon. I am making more money that I have ever in my life, yet it doesn't feel like enough. How can I possibly raise a kid?
Lord give me the strength to press on......
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Tranquility
Today was an interesting day. It started out by attending our regular service at Colorado Community Church. The head pastor was absent for some reason and another pastor filled in his place. To be honest, I wasn't really impressed with the talk, but then again, should I be? We as American Christians walk from our Sunday sermons discussing how the worship was, and if the pastor's talk was captivating. We often fail to just absorb the words and walk from the service wondering if God was honored, rather than if our attention was kept. Needless to say, my attention was wandering.
But what happened at the end of the service was nothing short of life altering. There are moments in life where the worries and troubles of this world fade away and certain points in time just captivate us. Some may remember the birth of their first child, their wedding day, or just those moments when God is just so relevant and near. Today was one of those moments. Our worship director Marcel came up after the end of the talk and had us all close our eyes. He played the piano in a relaxing peaceful manner, and just described the party, wonder, and glory in heaven. Putting the passages from Revelation into his own words, each person in that room was transcended into a worship of the Most High and each one forgot they were still living and breathing in this world. Maybe imposing that moment on everyone is a stretch, but for me, it was there.
What will heaven be like? Do we get caught up in this mundane idea that heaven is full of monotone "Holy, Holy, Holy's" or the perpetual sounds of harps coming from angels riding on clouds? Are we scared that heaven is going to be just one big worship session of Jesus and that just sounds lame, especially because we don't encounter Jesus in our sessions here on earth?
Or will heaven be filled with excitement, joy, and life? Isaiah talks about heaven as if we were waking from a dream. Is that so? When we are in heaven, will we look at our earthly life as disconnected and plot lines that don't make sense, as in our crazy dreams that seem real while we are in them, but once we awake, we laugh at the craziness that is caught up in our head? Will heaven be more real. Will foods have more flavor at the banquet? Will there be new colors never imagined?
As for now, our life will have moments of tranquility where life's troubles pass and those minutes of peace with our Father in heaven will be nothing short of spectacular. But someday, those moments, will become regularity, and the intensity will be far greater than anything imagined.
But what happened at the end of the service was nothing short of life altering. There are moments in life where the worries and troubles of this world fade away and certain points in time just captivate us. Some may remember the birth of their first child, their wedding day, or just those moments when God is just so relevant and near. Today was one of those moments. Our worship director Marcel came up after the end of the talk and had us all close our eyes. He played the piano in a relaxing peaceful manner, and just described the party, wonder, and glory in heaven. Putting the passages from Revelation into his own words, each person in that room was transcended into a worship of the Most High and each one forgot they were still living and breathing in this world. Maybe imposing that moment on everyone is a stretch, but for me, it was there.
What will heaven be like? Do we get caught up in this mundane idea that heaven is full of monotone "Holy, Holy, Holy's" or the perpetual sounds of harps coming from angels riding on clouds? Are we scared that heaven is going to be just one big worship session of Jesus and that just sounds lame, especially because we don't encounter Jesus in our sessions here on earth?
Or will heaven be filled with excitement, joy, and life? Isaiah talks about heaven as if we were waking from a dream. Is that so? When we are in heaven, will we look at our earthly life as disconnected and plot lines that don't make sense, as in our crazy dreams that seem real while we are in them, but once we awake, we laugh at the craziness that is caught up in our head? Will heaven be more real. Will foods have more flavor at the banquet? Will there be new colors never imagined?
As for now, our life will have moments of tranquility where life's troubles pass and those minutes of peace with our Father in heaven will be nothing short of spectacular. But someday, those moments, will become regularity, and the intensity will be far greater than anything imagined.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Time keeps ticking away
So, I completed my 6th week of my 20 week academy. I am just astonished at how quickly time is flying by. It seriously feels like just the other day we were all meeting each other for the first time and figuring out who we liked, and who we are content not having to work with from other agencies. Overall, it has been a blast. But the odd thing about that statement is the fact that these past weeks have truly been 99% classwork - being stuck in a class room learning about the same topic for at least 4 hours at one time. Starting this week, we'll be getting into our skills - such as firearms, arrest control and driving tactics. I can't imagine how fast it will zoom by then.
The other area that makes me realise how fast life has passed was that earlier today I added 2300+ songs from a few cd's of Alisha's from her old computer. I am listening to songs that take me back to middle school and high school. Classics from youth group like Audio Adrenaline, Jars of Clay, Five Iron Frenzy, and more.
It is just crazy to think I am married, living life away from home, have a real job - career, figuring out what these letters I get in the mail with the clear plastic windows in the envelopes eluding me to something I have to pay. Life is full speed ahead and I am enjoying each moment. Sure there are hick-ups, and moments I wish I could undo, but that doesn't cloud from that fact that life is great.
However, sometimes I feel like I am not as far along mentally as my life would otherwise dictate. I am entering in one of few careers where we are entrusted by the government to actually take people's freedoms away. What a huge responsibility and task. I look around and it seems like more people have their act together more than I. Is that reality or is it more likely they are better at hiding it than me? I would prefer the latter as to make me feel more content with my sub par feelings, but am afraid of the former. I guess, only more time will tell.
The other area that makes me realise how fast life has passed was that earlier today I added 2300+ songs from a few cd's of Alisha's from her old computer. I am listening to songs that take me back to middle school and high school. Classics from youth group like Audio Adrenaline, Jars of Clay, Five Iron Frenzy, and more.
It is just crazy to think I am married, living life away from home, have a real job - career, figuring out what these letters I get in the mail with the clear plastic windows in the envelopes eluding me to something I have to pay. Life is full speed ahead and I am enjoying each moment. Sure there are hick-ups, and moments I wish I could undo, but that doesn't cloud from that fact that life is great.
However, sometimes I feel like I am not as far along mentally as my life would otherwise dictate. I am entering in one of few careers where we are entrusted by the government to actually take people's freedoms away. What a huge responsibility and task. I look around and it seems like more people have their act together more than I. Is that reality or is it more likely they are better at hiding it than me? I would prefer the latter as to make me feel more content with my sub par feelings, but am afraid of the former. I guess, only more time will tell.
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