Revisiting the past

Last night, Alisha and I went to the first night of the Denver Christmas Conference (DCC). DCC was the highlight of every year during my college career, even more so that I went the year after I graduated. Now, living in Denver, there was no reason no to at least attend for one evening.

Crusade has played a huge role in my life. Crusade was the avenue where I came back to God, started discovering this life God has for me, and I've been extremely blessed with the opportunities Crusade has offered me. I have been able to rub shoulders with the big wigs, even so much so that I have them in my cell phone and I can call them at a moments notice. I've been blessed.

However, during my tenure in college, I didn't see eye to eye with the staff on my campus. One in particular towards the end of my stay at UNK. This man was truly critical in my "rediscovering of Jesus" if you will, and we were close. But due to some fall outs I said many things that were painful and deep cutting to this man who wanted nothing but the best for me.

His wife had come down with this mysterious illness while I was in Kearney. For years she was sick with no explanation. Doctor after doctor, in city after city, came up with hundreds of different reasons for her infirmity but nothing cured the mystery disease. I rarely saw her, and could watch in his eyes the toll this disease had taken on him; watching his Love just be miserable day in and day out. She would have "good" days but those were far from what would be considered average days in any healthy person.

Well time has passed. I now live in Colorado and he and his family now live in Missouri. I saw him for the first time in over a year last night at DCC and out of the blue, tells me that his wife has a brain tumor on her pituitary gland. That little monster has been the culprit for years, and no doctor was willing to do a scan in the brain because she lacked the typical symptom: headaches.

Floods of regret swept me. 99% of the fall outs we had during college were my fault. Maybe I wasn't the impetus but I sure made them worse. I was so consumed by my feelings, and looking out for number one, that I never for a moment stepped into his shoes and realized the last thing he needed was some college kid he poured his life into rebel and talk behind his back. His life was undeniably difficult and taxing at home, and I made his job worse. How I wish I could take back the things I have done to him. We have had a reconciliation and gotten on good terms, but we are nowhere near where we were when we first became friends.

May God forgive me, bless him, and heal her.